Franklin the Nerd
now available in Nova Scotia!
After a prolonged absence from my life, I have decided to
resurrect a loveable alter-ego named Franklin.
Created 9 years ago in Gravelbourg SK, Franklin's clean, good natured
humour has delighted over 30 weddings, birthdays and anniversaries.
WHY?
Do you want to "get" somebody?
Do you want to embarrass them in front of their friends and/or colleagues?
Do you want their special day to be remembered for ridiculousness?
Well then Franklin is who you want to hire.
WHAT?
The premise is simple.
After you provide me with the target's personal details ahead of time
(for example: age, embarrassing moments, personality quirks, etc.),
Franklin will barge in at a specific time calling out their name.
From there the story can go many places but it normally follows a fictional
history of a previous friendship (or love) followed by ridiculous dancing,
a poem and a small gift.
The whole process takes 5 - 8 minutes as any longer than that and
the joke gets old.
WHEN?
My schedule until November 2008 is fairly flexible.
Once we start communication we can figure out a proper time for
the fun to happen.
At this point I do not know where I'll be come November.
I'd prefer to have at least a week before the date to properly prepare
(and to psych myself up)
WHO?
These telegrams are ideal for people getting married (receptions),
engaged (stagette parties), anniversaries, birthdays or other.
The joke works for both males and females. If it's for a guy I help
them become "cool" again while I try to impress the females with
my macho suaveness.
Franklin has worked for people in their 80's down to those still
in high school. People aged more in the middle are more ideal but
sometimes I just need to get creative.
WHERE?
The first "gig" happened in a legion hall in Moose Jaw for a woman on her birthday.
From there, Franklin has graced places of work
(office buildings, banks, grocery stores), bars, parks and house parties.
I'd be willing to travel from Grand Pre to Canning to Kentville.
Beyond that would require additional gas money.
HOW MUCH?
Franklin charges $60 per "gig"
Included in that price is:
clean fun (I can get a little more racy if required...but, no, I'm not a stripper),
a small gift (flowers or a small teddy bear or balloon)
&
a signed copy of the personalized poem
Additional gas fees for outside the geographic radius would be negotiated.
HISTORY
I was 19 and managing the Renaissance Gaiety Theatre one normal
winter afternoon when my mentor Monica called me up. One of her
small business clients was in a pickle as her "nerd" for the night
called in sick. Monica told her not to worry as she knew a perfect replacement.
"You want me to do what?", I questioned. "Drive to Moose Jaw, dress up
like a fool, embarrass myself and embarrass someone else?", I demanded.
"Yes, but you'll get paid for it", came the response from the other end.
"What time does it start?", I conceded.
Today, as a recent Acadia graduate with a desire to stay in
the Annapolis valley, I need to make a few more dollars
and I know something like this works.
It's also a lot of fun.
POEM SAMPLE
(For a female. Preformed in the Burstal Hotel Bar -
a one-horse Saskatchewan town)
POUR ME ANOTHER LOU WAGNER
Oh Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou
Have you any idea how much I wanna
Get with you?
I wore my best threads tonight
Cause I wanted to impress
You are the prettiest Wagner
Ever to come out of Empress
In high school you dated strays
The losers, the geeks, the outcasts and slobs
I can see you continued this
As you married that winner Bob.
I’m younger and cuter
More agile and more fun
I’m sure you could get us a cheap room here
At the Burstal Hilton
In 20 years of bar-maiding
I’m sure you’ve given quite a few slaps
Even if some of your friends
Would say you only needed bottle caps
One particular night
When you were feeling no pain
You decided to play a little
Street Frisbee game
The only problem with that,
The only problem I see
Is inviting everyone to play
Including the RCMP
I’m so glad we’ve met again
Not seeing each other is a faux pas
Little does she know my secret agenda is get
With her oldest daughter Natasha
So before I go on my way
I have just one more thing I have to say
Have a wonderful, fantastic, splendid, marvelous
Soon-to-be 40th Happy Happy Birthday.
